Across the Psychotic Dimension: Epic Rewrite
by Galaxina-the-Seedrian
Summary: In a world of madness and unknown fantasies (or curses) unbeknownst to any normal universe, Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz is both a banished delegate to the Drusseltanian Union, and a scientist who's known for his reclusion. On the other side of the spectrum is the moral seeking Phineas, whose childish ambitions keep him from achieving his goals. (an extreme AU; requests are open)


**Okay, good news, I know how to continue some of my fics now!**

 **Bad news is, none of them have to do with Ferb's Goodbye.**

 **Even worse news is that these are all gonna take forever.**

 **Nevertheless, we are going to have FUN HERE~! For those of you who loved the original fic, and for those of you who absolutely love abridged series, this is for you (hopefully). I decided to actually give this fic a storyline!**

 **Okay, so, the rules for requests are simple: either give me the specifics of what you want or give me a word, just like in the first fic.**

 **You can also have your OCs in the story as well, so long as they have fun, non-Mary-Sueish personalities. I don't wanna be mean, but as much as I love Mary-Sues, one, I write them terribly, and two it would ruin the story to have a pure character in a world full of extremely flawed/immature/idiotic/sadistic and insane people.**

 **So, here's what you gotta do for the OCs:**

 **Name:**

 **Age:**

 **Species:** This can literally stem from anything; keep in find that there's a fantasy/sci-fi element here filled with talking animals who are treated as sort of "equals" to the human race

 **Occupation:** Unless they somehow have a business of their own, which in this universe I'll accept, if they're children just put in "school"; I'll figure out their grades depending on the age group

 **Personality:** The personality and quirks are the BEST way to describe who your character is; don't simply leave your character traits as clumsy or short-tempered unless you can further describe the destructive capabilities. AND NO COPYING OTHER AUTHORS!

 **Bio:** Make it short and sweet; don't make it sad and sappy unless it's played up for laughs. Remember that the OCs are recurring at most, so they're not gonna be the main characters of the story.

 **So, without further ado, let's get to it!**

 **P/F/P/F**

 _They say that the universe used to be "normal". Of course, no one ever knew what that exactly meant. To them their world was the norm as it was. They had gotten so used to their dimension being as it was that they never saw the oddities._

 _There were only so many who read on the world they used to have before. Back then, people acted more respectable. They were still foolish, but they at least knew that in some respect. At least they weren't complete madmen. Not like people now._

 _And the animals…surely they had never made literal wars against nature itself. A war that somehow granted all animals and who knows what else the ability of speech and intelligence that matched mankind (not that they cared). All could only be explained through one anomaly: the Magicians, who once said to have ruled the Earth with an iron fist. Even the Royal Family, who rule this world with an iron fist, had an ancestor who was both human and Sorcerer._

 _The truth was that magic had been a key to the making of their universe for a long time. It just didn't make sense, though. Not like science; science was easier to accept. It was harder to create, unlike magic which could be summoned if using the right materials and knowledge, but it was definitely easier to understand. It came across as strange that so few agreed with it in spite how simple it was to grasp in comparison to its opposition._

 _Few nowadays realize just how strange their world truly was nowadays. No one realizes how psychotically unacceptable their behavior is. And perhaps that's why I truly stick around. To find answers about the universe itself, and to find an actual answer to my world's irregularities that I've always found to be complete insane._

…

He guffawed at his vent-filled writing and immediately tossed it into the fireplace, letting the words blaze into ash. The man, no more than forty-seven years old, was reclining on his broken down chair in a dimly lit room, limply holding onto a bottle of some kind of alcoholic beverage. Nighttime had resumed its rule over the city of Danville, which he had crowned to be "The City of Good-For-Nothing Loons With No Obligations Worthy of Pursuing". It was admittedly a working title, but then again it was hard to describe the idiocy of the people he was forced to share oxygen with.

Perhaps he was over exaggerating. People did tend to paint him as an overblown cynic, but what were they to know? If they statistically compared to a mentally handicapped chimp, the chimp would most definitely be able to outsmart the intelligence of the entire community combined. It wouldn't even be fair, given how the mindsets of the town truly were. They were, without question, the hugest idiots that he had ever come across.

The sound of shattering filled his ears, and he was freed into the tortures of sobriety where reality had full hold. He immediately went to investigate in his roommate's living space in the south part of his current apartment. Upon opening the door to his lab, he saw none other than his lovable, teal colored "friend" spazzing around on the floor, having knocked over one of his many experiments that he had only been taking a break from for a second. The experiment involved a dark being that had held control of the building before he had even purchased it many years ago; having finally caught the creature, he decided to examine it.

"Ah, Perry the Platypus," his thick Northern-German dialect rang in a most displeased course of tone, "I can expect clumsiness from most people, but…even though I consider your of lower intelligence especially given that you're an mangy fluff ball with a beaver butt and a duck face, I also know that you're better than the people of this backwater town."

The platypus shuddered, screaming out nonsensical terms like, "The cake is a lie! Hide yo' kids! Numa numa yay!" before screaming further into demonic, even possessed tension. The man sighed, not giving this behavior much heed and somehow managed to remain even, in spite still being slightly on the drunken side. He honestly would rather be vomiting his stomach out than dealing with this tomfuckery.

"So whatever you did will result in brutal punishment fit for a dear, dear, _dear_ friend of mine," the man said with an angering patronized filled smile, "So, is your mind conscience enough for you to get the spiked paddle or-?"

He was taken aback by the much smaller creature as it leapt out of the room and fled out of the building like lightning. The man slowly followed, looking out the living room's window which his roommate decided to flipping jump out of for good measure of not being followed. He continued to stare after the platypus, feeling a lump in his throat as he realized that the sun hadn't even risen and yet another misadventure had begun.

"I was supposed to be the royal scientist of the Drusselstanian Union," the man said, feeling his sanity dropping like it had so many times in the past, "How is _this_ my life…?"

 **(~)**

 **Across the Psychotic Dimension: Epic Rewrite**

 **Written (and Rewritten) by:** Galaxina-the-Seedrian

 **Chapter 1: Making Friends**

 **(~)**

Danville was best described as possibly the epitome of idiocy and chaos, both of which do not mix well in a supposedly calm and neutral surrounding. Luckily, in this world, even though other places could be considered saner, they weren't exactly morally sound or even anymore compos mentis than Danville was in a sense. In this town, lived Phineas Flynn, along with many others.

He was a short child, nine years of age at the most, and was considered to be a prodigy of mechanics. He was a very bright boy, who was enrolled into a class meant to raise up children to be a part of the armies of the Drusselstanian Union, which held firm control over half the planet. Not only was Phineas physically unable to perform violent tasks, he also did not agree with enacting such hostility like the rest of his peers did. Instead, he appeared more pleased with finding peaceful resolutions.

Of course, unlike in other universes where such an attitude would make him and his hypothetical step-brother quite popular, the case was not present in this world, and Phineas was currently living with his older sister, Candace, without any knowledge of his parents so the possibilities of even having a step-brother was ridiculous. As a result, Phineas was the kind of person who usually had one friend at a time, said friend either leaving him once he found a much better social circle, or friends like Irving.

Irving was a special breed of annoying with a pinch a well-meaning but off-putting chatter that would bore anyone to death, Phineas included. After yet another day of school, which consisted of their teacher praising their "glorious" King as if he were a god, Phineas found himself enduring yet another one of Irving's painful stories. Phineas tried to smile, even if it would come across as an uncomfortable one. Irving was so blind even with his glasses that he wouldn't even be able to tell anyway.

Irving adjusted said spectacles and grinned at Phineas. "And then I looked at them, right?" he said.

Phineas nodded, not really paying much attention, but trying to smile nonetheless. "Yeah," he said, Irving not even catching the hint of boredom in his voice.

"And I just giggled at them," Irving said, "You know, like in that song in that one cartoon."

"Our Tiny Lagomorphs," Phineas couldn't help but eye-roll.

"Why, yes!" Irving said giddily, "It's so smart and so practical to life!"

Phineas paused as he briefly thought of the irony regarding Irving's statement. Good lord, was this kid a moron. Phineas continued to smile politely at his only friend, who even someone like him would realize was a curse to be around. "So, did it work?" Phineas asked, trying to stray from going into thought.

"No, they dunked me in molasses anyway," Irving admitted with a shrug, "But I felt they felt pretty silly."

Irving smiled proudly at himself while Phineas sighed in defeat. He had handled this type of behavior for about a week, but this was as much as he could stand. He stopped walking with Irving who finally noticed the change of attitude and gave a confused smile at his friend.

"Look, Irving," Phineas said, on the border of trying to be nice while also being blunt, "This has been a long time coming, and I gotta tell you: you are the worst person, and maybe even the dumbest. I know we've had a lot of good times and all since we've started hanging out this past week, but I can't ignore the fact that I simply hate everything about you. I thought if I tried liking you that we'd go together like cheese and broccoli, but as it turns out you're even worse than broccoli."

Phineas looked back to Irving in mid-rant, noting the vacant, ignorant smile on Irving's face that simply filled the boy to the brim with annoyance that made this all the more difficult for his patience. He took a breath, but was barely able to contain himself. "I'm sorry, but we just can't be friends anymore," Phineas said, immediately turning to walk away before Irving could retort if at all, "Even if that means having…" the boy sighed sadly as he began to strode off, "No friends at all…"

Sorrow filled Phineas' heart to the point of guilt and loneliness, and for a brief moment he thought that he was making a mistake. He looked back to see Irving, happily talking to a small bird with a weirdly shaped head. As the bird proceeded to attack Irving, who simply laughed it off, Phineas continued onward, now filled with absolutely no regrets of his decision.

 **(~)**

Reclining on a nice, thick tree branch was a white-haired teenaged boy, who happened to be one of the Magicians residing in town. Ever since Magicians were rediscovered a long time ago, they had started to bloom throughout the countryside. This had been one of the few, if not the only one, living in the town, and in spite his powers he seemed to fit right in with the community. He napped on the branch of the tree, letting the cool breeze be his lullaby for his morning rituals.

"Cody!"

The Magician grumbled as he fought a tiger within his dream world, calling him by name in a weird but familiar accent. The voice called again but louder, "Cody!"

Yet still there was no heed, as the tiger was finally slain, and the Magician stood triumphantly over-

"CODY!"

The Magician awoke from the land of slumber and rest, and he fell out of the tree with a yelp, luckily landing on something soft. He looked down after shaking off some sleep and smiled at the forty-seven year old man who he knew and loved. "Ah, hiya, Heinz," he greeted happily.

The man roughly pushed the Magician named Cody off of him, glaring at the boy crossly. "That's Dr. Doofenshmirtz to you," he growled, "Have you seen Perry the Platypus? He's been possessed by an alien presence that's been overtaking my home and I can't seem to find him anywhere."

Cody blinked, sitting up from the ground as he thought long and painstakingly hard about what he was asked. He hummed loudly, almost losing his train of thought as Doofenshmirtz waited with his irritation rising. Cody soon shrugged. "I dunno," he said, "I've been too busy with my job to really notice."

"Your job?" Doofenshmirtz asked flatly, "Since when were you employed?"

"Since today," Cody stated with pride flaring to a ten, "And I'm already doing an awesome job at it, as you can see. It's SUPER IMPORTANT, so that kinda makes me pretty awesome to take part in it."

Cody did a heroic but stupid pose that he thought made him look awesome, yet anyone who was in sight-range seemed to be staring at him blankly. Doofenshmirtz was, most likely, the only one who really saw this act as idiotic. "Riiiiight," Doofenshmirtz slowly nodded and smirked, "So…why were you napping if you're in the middle of a 'super important job'?"

"Y-yeah well," Cody coughed a little, "That's because I was taking a break. It's none of your concern I mean weather patrol is pretty hard to do."

"Weather patrol?" Doofenshmirtz shook his head, "You do realize that Magicians only hold so much control over the weather, right? Weather's just the ever changing conditions within the atmosphere, and I imagine there to be consequences if we try to fight back against the current."

"Pfft, Heinz, weather doesn't have anything to do with currents," Cody laughed at the elder man's silliness, "I mean just because it rains doesn't mean it controls the lakes or anything. Besides, if magic doesn't control the weather, what does? Can your little sciency mathmetacs explain that?"

Doofenshmirtz glared, ignoring Cody's failure to pronounce some of the most 'difficult' words in his sentence. "You…I really shouldn't be surprised that you don't know basic science," he said squeezing his thumb and pointer finger against his temple and sighed, "So why am I so irritated?"

"Because it's a shame that you're not as amazing as me," Cody stated with a stupid yet sympathetic grin, "And you feel bad for labeling my efforts as either a sin against nature, or a form of slacking off."

Cody gave a bit of a smug while Doofenshmirtz rolled his eyes and gave the Magician a demeaning stare. "Yeah, you're right," he said with sarcastic realization, "I shouldn't mistake you sleeping on the job as you _sleeping on the job._ "

Cody smiled stupidly at Doofenshmirtz as he draped an arm around the man's shoulder like they were good friends. "Exactly," Cody said, oblivious to Doofenshmirtz's anger, "I knew you'd understand! See, this is why you and I are best buds, Heinz!"

Doofenshmirtz scowled hatefully. "Dr. Doofenshmirtz," the man corrected harshly, "And for the record, we're not 'best buds'. We're not even friends. You're, like, seventeen, Cody."

"Age is just a number man," Cody shrugged, not even sure what he just implied.

Doofenshmirtz calmly face-palmed and immediately began to make his leave as briskly as he could. Cody frowned. "Where are you going?" he asked.

"I gotta find Perry the Platypus before he does something stupid," Doofenshmirtz explained, "I apologize for even thinking asking you for help was a good idea, by the way!"

Cody smiled at the "apology". "That's okay," he said, "Thanks for thinking of me, man!"

Cody flew back up to his tree branch, not hearing Doofenshmirtz loud groan that was dimmed out by their distance away from each other. What he could hear was the sound of a young child moping underneath a giant gray cloud, just near the tree he was napping on. Curious, Cody decided to investigate, and flew over towards the direction of the raincloud, which was just in the middle of the town. Underneath the cloud was a lonely looking Phineas, hugging his knees and not even looking over at the world around him.

"Whoa," Cody blinked, "Looks like someone's gotten a visit from the depression clown."

Phineas sniffled, rubbing his nose. "His brightly colored pants always fall down," he lamented, "And no one ever laughs."

Cody proceeded to use his _**awesome magical powers**_ to evaporate the clouds above Phineas, though this did nothing to brighten up the child's mood. He then decided on a different tactic and went to sit next to the child. "What's up kiddo?" he asked casually not even remotely fazed by Phineas' depression.

"I broke off ties with my only friend," Phineas explained, "And now I don't have any friends…and it's sad, and depressing, and I don't like it."

Cody frowned. "Why'd you do that?" he asked, "I'd suspect that from Candace, but not from someone like you."

Phineas pouted up at Cody. "My only friend was Irving," he stated.

Cody winced at the name. In spite clearly being an idiot, nothing compared to the horrors of the strange, strange child. "Oh," he rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, "Well, I'm sorry about that then."

Phineas whimpered as he looked up to the heavens. "Now I'm gonna end up just like Dr. Doofenshmirtz!" he declared in horror-shaped misery.

Cody grinned. "Oh, I was just talking to him," he said, "Said something about Perry or…whatever. I wasn't actually paying attention."

Phineas whined as he began to lightly sob into his knees, albeit dramatically. Cody bit his lip before patting the boy on his should reassuringly. "I wouldn't worry about that," he said, "Dr. D's just under a lot of stress because he's the King's eldest son. But deep down I think he's pretty cool."

Phineas felt his eyes widen as he stared at Cody, completely knocking his tear-fest to the curb. "He's the who's what-now?!" he gasped, wondering how after all these years of knowing that reclusive jerk did he not even come close to obtaining this bit of knowledge, especially not before Cody.

"Yep," Cody nodded with a smile, "Crowns are really expensive though, I think they put them mostly in museums most of the time you know," a sudden spark lit up in Cody's eyes as if he had remembered something important, and the teen immediately floated up into the air in a wary heir, "Anyway, you and I probably shouldn't be seen together otherwise I'm bound to get someone in trouble."

Before Cody could fly away, Phineas' curiosity beat him to the punch, and the boy asked, "Why's that?"

"Well, it's not that I don't like kids," Cody explained as he began to lay in the air in a relaxed pose, "In fact I might like them too much," he paused, not really aware of Phineas' slowly diminishing sense of comfort around him. Another spark lit, "Also, I think I might be allergic to hotdogs."

Phineas backed away slowly from the Magician cautiously. "Should…should I find a police officer?" he asked, not sure why he directed this question to Cody.

Cody seemed to ignore Phineas all together, however. "Like this one time I was supposed to watch my cousin's kid," he said, "And her kid asked if she could have some ice cream for dinner, and I was like 'I dunno, I never tried that.' Kids have really good ideas sometimes."

Cody's frown came off as a traumatic stare into oblivion, and his arms fell limply to his sides as he remembered completely of the events that soon folded. "But then I got all hyperactive," he continued as he began to pace around Phineas, "And I did a whole bunch of tricks to impress her, and I ended up breaking my arms and legs. After that she started throwing up all over the floor because she had too much ice cream, and I think I blacked out after that. When I woke up, I was in the hospital…I wasn't allowed to watch my cousin's kid anymore."

To any grown adult, this story would've been horrific in a sense, and would automatically lead to some kind of way to keep him away from children everywhere. But to Phineas, who ignored the rest of the story, it was enough to win him over. "You cousin's daughter got to eat ice cream for dinner?" he asked with a grin, "That sounds fantastic!"

Cody gave a sheepish grin. "Well, it was a good idea at the time," he said.

"Well, I just had a great idea," Phineas said, "I've never had a grown-up friend before. Do you wanna be my new friend?"

Cody rolled his eyes at this statement, not wanting to befriend a mere child clearly.

"Are you kidding? That sounds awesome!"

The author of this story then proceeded to throw her keyboard out a window as she screamed out many curses dealing with Cody, who remained oblivious to her angry hollers.

 **(~)**

 _[We now interrupt your regularly scheduled program with a musical intermission]_

 **(~)**

 _ **Imagine him in blue**_

 _ **I do**_

 _ **Keep up with your insurance bills**_

 _ **He'll get you killed**_

 _ **He'll take us sledding down the stairs**_

 _ **Our greatest fears**_

 _ **He's not good with children~**_

 **(~)**

 _ **He'll let you use the stove**_

 _ **If you'd have known**_

 _ **That he would be your sad demise**_

 _ **And utter pries**_

 _ **He hasn't got such watchful eyes**_

 _ **It makes me cry**_

 _ **He's not good with children~**_

 **(~)**

 _ **I can't see this ending so well for you**_

 _ **And your young life**_

 _ **You'll be happy if nobody dies and that's true**_

 _ **For your young life**_

 **(~)**

 _[And now we return to your regularly scheduled program]_

 **(~)**

One montage of destruction in their wake later, and Phineas was starting to question all of his life choices. Befriending Cody seemed like a good idea at first, like when you decided to add an extra ingredient to your cookies, and it turns out you really shouldn't mix ketchup with cookies because that's just stupid and gross. The same applied here only with much more at cost to their actions. Phineas didn't know how bike riding through town had led to them suddenly destroying an orphanage, or how flying kites somehow took down a plane, and to be honest he really didn't want to talk about the puppies…he really didn't…

Regardless, Phineas knew fully well that Irving was an unbearable moron, but at least he could count to ten. As Phineas continuously face-palmed at Cody's attempt to read the basic rules of one of the most basic children's games ever created, he finally began to digest this. "So when the first party goes to hide," Cody read with much struggle, squinting at the page is if it was lingered with some kind of strange language, "The second party known as the seeker begins counting preferably a _mull-ty-pull_ of ten…" he looked over to Phineas, "Hey, kid, do you know what a _mull-ty-pull_ is?"

Phineas groaned as he slowly face-palmed much gentler than the last time; the red spot on his forehead was starting to sting. "It's…its multiple Cody," he corrected, muttering something along the lines of 'idiot' though in a much more complicated way so as to avoid any rants from the Magician if he happened to hear him.

Cody smiled, turning back to the piece of paper in hand with a nod as he sat against a tree. "Oh, _multiple_ ," he said…then frowned ten times fold in horror, "Oh, god, am I gonna have to do math? I was never good at math, man."

"Not much of a surprise there," Phineas muttered without Cody's knowing.

Just then a teenaged girl who was no older than Cody popped in out of nowhere next to Phineas, who recoiled in shock and landed on his butt against the grass. Her hair was in a curly brown mess with a dying yellow flower stuck to it. Phineas frowned at the presence of the crazy brown-eyed girl, staring directly at him. Her presence would make anyone want to run for cover. Though she was famed in town for making some of the most delectable treats, she was mostly known for poisoning said treats and causing a multitude of problems.

To this day, no one quite knows (nor do they care) why Milky Annabelle Way had never been able to be put into prison. In spite being completely against the legal system, it always seemed like the legal system was twisted into her favor, which made her complaints even more confusing.

Milky towered over Phineas, rubbing her hands together. "Hello, child," she greeted in a thick Russian dialect, "Milky knows a great game we can play, hee-hee, yes."

Cody raised his head from the paper upon noticing another one of his "friends", and smiled. "Oh, hi Milky," he greeted before returning his attention to memorizing the rules and quickly changing some so that he would have an advantage.

Milky pulled Phineas into a one-armed hug that made Phineas even more concerned. "You will help Milky make cupcakes," she slightly sang with a wide smile.

Phineas was once again won over by the promise of sugary delights and he smiled. "Cupcakes?" he asked, "Lady, you are speaking my language!"

Milky giggled as she hopped forward, leading Phineas off like a Pied Piper of sorts. Phineas looked back to Cody, who was so invested on making the game easier for the Magician to win over the younger, smarter child who probably would've won regardless. "See you later, Cody," he waved before making a full sprint towards Milky.

It was then that the universe cried hot, mournful tears, all because Phineas forgot the most important rule of their society: **Never trust Milky**.

 **(~)**

Phineas hopped into the large bakery owned by the Johnsons of whom were letting Milky board with them (such fools) due to the fact that she was financially and mentally unable to live on her own to begin with. The kitchen was pretty large, but not too large give that the whole thing was mostly a family business. Phineas grinned around the finely decorated kitchen. "I am ready for those cupcakes," Phineas said as he began to scour the room for said pastries, "Where are they at, woman?"

Before Phineas could ramble more about his cravings, Milky roughly placed a toque on his head, confusing the boy. "First you will have to bake them," she explained in ranging loudness and speed, "And then you will have to eat them! Yes."

"Oh," Phineas said, feeling his voice fall a bit in disappointment before adding optimistically, "Well, baking cupcakes sounds like fun."

Milky nodded vigorously. "It is fun for me," she stated, a little bit of a bounce in her step, "But today, we are businesspeople. We do not bake for fun, but for purpose!"

Phineas stared at Milky, slowly frowning as he realized exactly what she was implying. "Wait, are these gonna be for someone?" he asked with a bit of a pout, "Did I just get roped into manual labor…again?"

Milky giggled rambunctiously. "Yes," she replied, "Today we are baking contraband cupcakes! Yes."

Phineas tilted his head curiously. "What's contraband?" he asked.

Milky seemed all too happy to explain her plan to the young, naïve youth. "We will smuggle the food across the border," she stated, "In our _little organic tummies._ Yes. It is practice for when Milky goes to Gimmelshtump, Drusselstien," she quickly went and lifted Phineas up into the air, staring him dead in the eyes with great intensity, " _and that is a secret I trust you._ Yes."

Phineas gave an uncomfortable squeak before he was dropped to the floor. Milky continued her ramble as a sort of anger seemed to fill her. "What she cannot trust is the food there," she stated, "They will try to assassinate Milky!" she looked over to Phineas and smirked, "Milky has enemies in high places. Yes."

Phineas nodded very slowly as he tried to digest the information given to him. "So, you plan on sneaking the cupcakes across the border," he pieced together, "by eating them before you go?"

Milky rose up a wooden spoon triumphantly and gave one of the most twistedly exultant shouts Phineas had ever heard, "NO ONE WILL SUSPECT~!"

Although he was clearly unsure of what to think, Phineas gave a weak yet trusting smile. "Well, okay," he said, making Milky grin so much he was afraid her mouth would fall off like it had in the past, "Whatever I have to do to get those cupcakes."

"Excellent," Milky said, rubbing her hands together like an evil madman, "Together, you and I will overrun the political system and DESTROY THE ROYAL FAMILY ONCE AND FOR ALL! YES!"

Lightning and thunder flashed rapidly from outside and both Phineas and Milky shrieked in shock. Milky blinked and smiled while Phineas seemed to take cover underneath one of the tables. "Ah, yes. Yes," she said, "My special effects are finally working properly. Yes."

"Special…what?" Phineas blinked in confusion as he crawled out from his hiding place.

"Never you mind," Milky said waving him off, "For now, we begin our baking. Yes."

 **(~)**

Doofenshmirtz groaned angrily as he began to drag a vicious platypus across town, with bystanders watching as he attempted to take Perry the Platypus, his roommate, back to his apartment. The platypus began to seethe and foam at the mouth as he struggled in Doofenshmirtz's grip. Doofenshmirtz glowered. "Oh, will you just stop," he ordered, "It's your own fault that you have to ordeal this."

The platypus hissed in response. Doofenshmirtz rolled his eyes. "For God's sake, Perry," he said, "I can't believe that you single-handed ruined today for me even before it began. That's gotta be some kind of record or something."

Another inhuman/animalistic snarl left the platypus' bill, and he thrashed even harder in Doofenshmirtz's grip. Said grip slipped out completely, allowing Perry to fall onto his head and sprawl into a weird twitching spasm. Doofenshmirtz watched the convulsion with a slightly disturbed look that said "I couldn't care less, but dear Lord…" Eventually, Perry's eyes ominously shined a piercing white, and he floated into the air before falling immediately, a sort of alien form escaping from his body and fleeing into the opposite direction of their home.

Doofenshmirtz stared off at the strange looking creature with horror, while Perry the Platypus, now mostly in the right state of mind, sat up slowly, groaning sickly. "Ugh…aye, Doofus," he greeted, "What's all this then…why do I suddenly feel like I want to brush my tongue with a scrub brush?"

The platypus looked up at Doofenshmirtz, who continued to stare off at the alien. Perry blinked. "Uh…Doofus?" he blinked, "Are you-ACK!"

Perry the Platypus was lifted into the air, being strangled by the much older looking human as Doofenshmirtz grabbed him by the neck and shook him. "Why do you keep breaking my things?!" he screamed into Perry's face, "WHY?!"

"D-Doofus, calm do-!"

"Calm down?! CALM DOWN?! Do you realize what that thing could do now that its out of a host body?! For all we know it'll make people actually stupider or crazier or destroy the entire town!"

Perry blinked. "Wouldn't that be a good thing?" he asked, "I mean, you always complain about the people being complete retards anyway, it's kinda obvious that you hate their existence."

"Normally you'd be correct about this situation," Doofenshmirtz admitted, "But given my sentence of banishment, I'm not even allowed to leave the premise without suffering the consequences. What do you think will happen once the town gets blown up or something? That's right; all the blame goes to Doofenshmirtz!"

Perry was thrown onto the ground and rubbed his neck with a moan. "Ugh…well, maybe that t'aint the case," he spoke in a Scot-Irish kind of dialect, "I mean, for all we know, maybe it could make people smarter?"

Doofenshmirtz laughed at this before angrily spatting, "Go screw yourself Perry. We don't frigging know that! Besides, even if it were to make some of these morons smarter, the smart thing to do WOULD be burning this town to the ground. We have to find that thing before it possesses some other idiot!"

"Okay, okay," Perry sighed, "Sheesh…I'll help after I take a shower and a nap. I don't know what I did while I was possessed, but I feel so…dirty for some reason."

The platypus walked off before Doofenshmirtz could say anything to him. Doofenshmirtz groaned as he decided to go and seek out the alien parasite himself. He searched high and low in the city, asked people questions (his desperations were high), wondered if any of them realized that the creature was anywhere in sight. Eventually, his search led him straight toward the Johnson's Bakery, where he immediately thought of Milky. She had summoned demons before, so perhaps summoning an alien parasite wasn't too farfetched.

Doofenshmirtz entered the bakery, paying no heed to any of the Johnsons, who were currently tied up beside the counter, screaming muffled screams for the man to help them. Doofenshmirtz entered the kitchen, and witnessed silently as Phineas took out yet another batch of his and Milky's cupcakes, which to him looked like small piles of ash.

Phineas looked over to Milky, frowning. "Seriously, Milky," the boy said, "These taste terrible. Can't we just bake some using the cookbook?"

Milky shook her head as she stuffed a cupcake of dark charcoal into her mouth and crunched on before she turned to Phineas with widened eyes. "THAT IS HOW THEY CONTROL YOU," she warned, snatching another one to stuff into her mouth.

Phineas stared at Milky, as did Doofenshmirtz, who a moment later decided to finally butt in. He cleared his throat. "Hey, have you guys seen a parasitic purple-greenish alien running around here?" he asked, "I lost track of one of my experiments because SOMEONE keeps breaking my things."

Phineas knew better than to question what Doofenshmirtz had to say, given that this guy was quite possibly the sanest person in the entire town and therefore seemed to have a better grasp at things. Though to be fair, they hadn't spoken in a while, and most of Doofenshmirtz's attention was drawn towards Milky, yet Phineas couldn't help but give his own answer. "No, not really," he shook his head.

Milky didn't say anything, but instead offered one of the cupcakes to Doofenshmirtz, who rudely pushed her away. "Then I need you to look out for anyone whose speaking in tongues, spinning their heads around, or vomiting pea soup," he explained as Milky smacked only of cupcakes into his face, "I'd tell you to look out for weird behavior too, but…in this town…" he eyed Milky as she stuffed another cupcake onto his face, this time against his eye, "Seems like a total waste of time."

Phineas nodded at Doofenshmirtz before an idea seemed to pop into his triangular shaped head. He grinned up at Doofenshmirtz, remembering Cody's statement of him earlier, which caused the much older figure to become uncomfortable. Doofenshmirtz blinked. "Uh…what?" he asked.

"Dr. D, I hear you were the King's eldest son," Phineas stated.

Doofenshmirtz winced at Phineas' words and groaned. "Ugh, look, let's not talk about it here," he said, "I really, really, really don't like delving into my heritage. It's both a curse and disappointment…" he added quietly, "Not to mention that I'm not even married yet, so…"

Phineas continued to smile in spite Doofenshmirtz's words, which he ignored. "Well, as heir to the throne," he said, "You must have some political influence, right?"

Doofenshmirtz blinked, suddenly realizing that this kid looked familiar. "You're Candace's kid, right?" he asked.

Phineas frowned. "No, I'm her little brother," he said.

Doofenshmirtz simply nodded, not giving any more of a response as Phineas continued. "Anyway," the boy said, "Why don't you use your political influence to help someone?"

Doofenshmirtz rolled his eyes in annoyance. "Well aren't you smart enough to create your own political influence?" he asked harshly, "You can't just force someone to do what you want."

"No one listens to a child," Phineas stated with a pout.

Doofenshmirtz smirked. "Well I'm sure it would help if you'd stop acting so damn childish all the time," he stated.

Milky, intrigued by the situation, began to eat the burnt cupcakes as if they were popcorn as she watched the argument unfold. Phineas glared at the elder man. "It's important to look out for other people," he declared.

Doofenshmirtz tiredly pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. "Look kid," he said, "One of these days you're probably gonna go to college and you're gonna get a really soft major. It'll be a waste of everyone's time and money, but it's gonna make you feel really important."

"Well, maybe I won't need the sciences," Phineas retorted angrily and passionately as Doofenshmirtz watched in an uncaring way, "Maybe your sciences can't explain why I feel! And-and maybe it can't explain all the important stuff like what makes us angry, or in love, or full of hate about something!"

As Phineas rambled, Doofenshmirtz had been examining the boy from top to bottom as he hummed to himself. He paid attention to Phineas' words, but cared so little that it seemed like he was annoying him. Once Phineas reached mid-rant, Doofenshmirtz cut him off. "Your amygdala," he simply said.

Phineas blinked, his mouth opened up and ready for a counter for the insult that was launched at him, but he simply tilted his head. "…my what?" he asked.

Doofenshmirtz took a breath before explaining rapidly, "Your amygdala probably regulates a series of emotional memories which is why-."

Phineas shook his head, not really comprehending anything Doofenshmirtz was saying. "What the heck is an amygdala?!" he asked as if the word itself was stupid.

Doofenshmirtz laughed as his expression became more amused. Milky continued to watch, her excitement somehow rising as she watched the debate. "Oh-ho, well, looks like someone knows less about science than science knows about him," he smirked as he leaned down to Phineas' level, "Here's a tip kid: you're never gonna hope to defeat your enemies unless you know what makes them think. And by the time you know enough science to fight the scientific," he extended his arms out with a 'boom', "It's too late! You're already a scientist!"

Phineas felt his blood pumping at this as his anger began to grow rapidly. "Well at least I have morals!" he shouted into Doofenshmirtz's face, only letting Doofenshmirtz's smile widen a little.

"Well, at least I wasn't born out of wedlock," Doofenshmirtz retorted, earning a reaction from Milky who giggled.

Milky bounced over to Phineas and shoved him, nearly knocking him into the ground. "Oh, you just got served, child! Yes!" she said before bouncing over to Doofenshmirtz, giving him a rather forced high-five.

Instead of being insulted, though, Phineas blinked again with a pout. "What the heck is wedlock?!" he asked again, wondering why people kept using words he didn't understand.

Doofenshmirtz and Milky both burst into laughter as the man clapped his hands together and rubbed them. "Look at that," he said, "Another one. Milky, what's the score?"

Milky giggled. "It's is two to zero," she stated, "You are winning your pretty little head right off!"

Doofenshmirtz nodded, feeling pleased. "Alright, let's go again," he said, once again examining the apparent brother of one of his so-called companions, "What else?"

Milky went over to Phineas before the boy could do anything about it, and forced his face into a puppy pout. "He does not have any friends," she said, deflating Phineas' anger to true sadness.

"No friends?" Doofenshmirtz grinned, "Well, I just can't get rid of mine, so another point for Doofenshmirtz! Milky, put it on the board, please."

"It is two point five to zero!" Milky declared.

Doofenshmirtz frowned in confusion. "Milky, you can't do a half point," he said.

"But they are composed of half numbers," Milky insisted, "Besides, it indicates that you have five points more than the little brat! Yes."

"Then make it five to zero," Doofenshmirtz said with an eye roll, "That's how basic math works, Milky."

Milky glared. "I WILL NOT FALL INTO THE TRAP OF SOCIETY! Yes," she shouted.

Doofenshmirtz rolled his eyes and looked over to Phineas, preparing another argument before he noticed the boy sniffling. Phineas glared up with misty eyes. "Well at least I'm not a big jerk!" he finally whimpered out.

A rare wave of guilt overcame Doofenshmirtz, and he groaned as he felt all the fun he had draining out. "Ah, god…" he shook his head, "I'm becoming my father."

Milky snickered at Phineas' misery. "You made a little child cry," she chanted.

Doofenshmirtz ignored Milky and looked at Phineas, getting down to his level. "Look, kid," he sighed, "I'm sure you're going to do great in college or whatever. Just look out for a weird looking parasite and tell me if you meet or see anyone who looks possessed."

Phineas sniffled and wiped his eyes. "F-fine…" he crossed his arms indignantly, "But I better get an explanation as to why there's an alien parasite roaming the city in the first place. What was that about Perry?"

Doofenshmirtz stared at Phineas nervously and chuckled as he looked at his wrist as if there was a watch on it. "Oh, look at the time," he said, "I should probably get going before this alien thing unleashes horrible, unspeakable evils upon our reality as we know it."

Without a goodbye, Doofenshmirtz fled the scene before Phineas could get any answers. Phineas stared after him before Milky offered him another cupcake, squishing it against his face. Phineas shuddered at the wettest of the batch and backed away. "I…I should probably get going too," he said before running away in a sprint.

Milky waved after him. "Goodbye stupid brat," she sang, "I will see you later!"

The insane baker stuffed the pastry into her mouth and chewed on it for a bit before a realization hit her. She giggled. "This isn't a cupcake."

 **(~)**

Upon returning home-which for Phineas was a yellow house that his sister said once belonged to their parents-the first thing Phineas did was throw himself onto the couch. The house was moderate size, and could fit more than two people in the vicinity, but it had a weak roof and the windows were cracked. It was hard to tell if the doors could lock or not, and Phineas remembered on a couple of occasions that a raccoon or some other creature had broken into their house once and stole all their cereal. Phineas still longed for the day he could have revenge on that raccoon for forcing him to go a day without the most important meal.

Candace, Phineas' older sister and legal guardian, came into the room holding a large basket of laundry, humming a familiar tune that made Phineas imagine his sister as a control freak who wanted to get him into trouble for building stuff. It was silly, though the control freakiness wasn't too far off. Candace finally noticed Phineas upon setting the basket on the couch. "Oh, hey, Phineas," she greeted nonchalantly, "Help me with these, will you?"

Phineas nodded mutely and sat up, sighing deeply as he began to slowly fold the clothes. He hated doing laundry, or any kind of chore, so he tried his best to act as dimwitted about the exercise as possible in order to get out of it. The problem was, was that Candace was extremely impatient (which believe it or not was an advantage for her) and didn't always tolerate his attitude. Especially now, since Phineas' depression seemed to be making this very agonizing.

"Okay, what's wrong?" Candace asked.

Phineas proceeded to throw the folded shirt to the floor in anger, making Candace sigh. "All the adults in this town are insane!" he said, "What's wrong with them?!"

Candace gave a well-meaning shrug before grabbing one of her shirts and began to fold it. "Grown-up friends are different from kid-friends, Phineas," she explained, "I can get a drink with Stacey or Heinz, go out with Jeremy and…uh…the rest kind of tag along, I guess."

"What about Cody?" Phineas asked, tilting his head.

Candace rolled her eyes and groaned. "I cannot explain Cody," she said.

"Or Milky?"

Candace flinched and glared at her brother, pointing at him warningly. "Don't even let me get started about her," she said, "The way I see it is that Milky is only interacting with anyone because she's not allowed to be on her own on account of the many legal acts the town's posted against her. You're still too young to understand exactly what that psychopath is capable of."

"Then why do we hang out with her?" Phineas asked.

"Never you mind about that!" Candace demanded, "Now keep folding. I have to meet up with Stacy in an hour. We're helping the Nilfs cater a birthday party."

Phineas frowned. "Ugh, seriously?" he asked, "Your helping my worst enemy induce the world into a pathetic attempt at frivolous domination?"

Candace smirked lightly. "Quit being so overdramatic," she said, "Thaddeus may be annoying, but his family is still rich, so this is worth it. Besides, you were invited to his party."

"Probably to be mocked for being the only kid in this whole dang town for having no friends, dang it!" Phineas gasped and covered his mouth; he looked down in shame, "I'm sorry for going all street there. I'm just…ugh…why is making friends so hard?"

Candace gave Phineas a warm smile. "Well, I'm your friend, Phineas," she said.

Phineas pouted. "You're my sister," he said, "Nothing more, nothing less."

"You know, with a mouth likes yours its no wonder I spank your little butt on occasion," Candace said threateningly, getting Phineas to shut his mouth, "Now you know how much family means to us."

Phineas rolled his eyes. "We…don't really have one," he said, "It's only you and me. The rest of our relatives are shunning us, remember?"

"Exactly," Candace nodded, "That's why we gotta stick together through thick and thin, like a pair of kings…err…thieves…"

"That song does not fit with you sister dear," Phineas said shaking his head, "Have you ever thought about listening to a song that actually fits you instead of trying to find more things we have in common? It's futile to constantly try to be on equal terms with me, I mean, you and I are near complete opposites when it comes to this sort of thing. Sure, I mean, opposites attract, but I think that logic only goes so far. We have such opposing traits that if we were friends and not siblings we'd probably be mortal enemies. I'd probably despise you more than Thaddeus, and you know how much I dislike him."

Candace frowned. "Young man, I'm not sure if I should be insulted or impressed with your thought process," she said, "Regardless, you earned yourself a butt-whooping little brother."

Before Candace could even pound a balled fist into her open palm, the phone rang alerting her attention. She sighed and stood to her feet. "That might be Stacey," she said, "Keep folding. And I better not catch you watching TV while I'm gone; not until chores are done, mister."

Candace walked out of the room as Phineas groaned in defiance, but continued to slowly do the work anyway. Phineas was mostly trying to listen in on the barely audible conversation, and wasn't even done folding the second piece of clothing he picked up before he hear his big sister scream, "HE DID WHAT?!" before slamming the phone back to its receiver and proceeded to march over to Phineas with an red painted glower. Phineas recoiled in shock at the sudden change of mood as Candace knocked the basket of clothes aside with ease.

"YOU KNOCKED DOWN AN ORPHANAGE?!" Candace yelled, an unholy presence swirling around her (at least in Phineas' eyes).

Phineas felt his pupils shrink as the memory of the said even filled his mind. "It wasn't my fault!" he tried to plea, but Candace had nothing of it.

"Ooh, you are so busted, mister!" Candace yelled, "You are grounded! Hear me?! G-R-O-U-N-D-E-D, GROUNDED! No videogames, no TV, no building-!"

Phineas gasped upon the hearing his favorite privileges being forcefully taken from him and he quickly acted. "B-but you can't ground me on account of the fact that Cody was the one being a bad influence and made us ride our bikes into the building!" Phineas said, "He said putting rockets on our bikes without the proper management was a good idea, and he confused me into listening to him!"

"He did what?!" Candace gnashed her teeth, "I am gonna strangle Cody, and you're grounded!"

Phineas bit his lip. "But I don't deserve to be grounded because I'm emotionally distraught because Doofenshmirtz made fun of my today," he whimpered, "He kept on making fun of my futility and childlike naiveté and I nearly cried!"

"Well I am gonna strangle Doofenshmirtz and Cody, and you're grounded!" Candace declared.

Phineas opened his mouth for one more line of defense, "But Milky-!"

Candace immediately cut Phineas off. "I am gonna strangle Milky, Doofenshmirtz, and Cody, and yes, correct, you are in fact still GROUNDED!" she said.

Phineas pouted and then slowly looked down, sniffling as sadly and pathetically as he could. "But…if you do that," he said with puppy-dog eyes, "Then I can't go to Thaddeus' party…and I won't make any friends ever…"

As the child's mood seemed to deflate, Candace sighed. "Alright, fine," she said in defeat, "You can go to Thaddeus' party," before Phineas could cheer, Candace quickly added, "But you're grounded twice to make up for it."

Phineas paled and smiled sheepishly at Candace. "I-I was just kidding," he chuckled nervously, "I don't _actually_ wanna go-."

"Well, it's too late," Candace smirked, as she stood and began to walk to the door, "Now, since you're grounded and have nothing else better to do, you do the laundry while I prepare to help Stacey with catering."

Candace hummed to herself as she left to go upstairs to her room, leaving Phineas to sulk and curse his older sister.

 **(~)**

The next day came and the birthday party for Thaddeus Nilf began at high noon. Everyone in town was invited to the event, and everyone was having a great time, except for Phineas who was on his own, trying to avoid everyone and anyone if possible. Doofenshmirtz entered the large mansion alongside Perry, who grinned happily at the establishment. "Ooh, good digs," Perry said, "I'm liking the Latino theme going on here."

"Focus, Perry," Doofenshmirtz hissed, "We're only hear because this is the best way to interrogate the people."

Perry frowned. "You're still on about the parasite?" he asked, "Heinz, we've been searching since yesterday, I'm pretty sure it's gone away by now."

"Gone where, do you suppose?" Doofenshmirtz asked, raising an eyebrow at the platypus.

"I dunno," Perry shrugged, "Maybe he fell down a drain or something?"

"That's stupid and you're stupid for thinking that," Doofenshmirtz stated, "Now, do you remember the plan?"

"Riiiiight, about that," Perry said, fidgeting with his thumbs, "I was thinking, since you're being a fun-sucker right now…uh…I thought maybe you should handle this on your own, while I go treat me-self to some cake. I heard it was gonna be a chocolate vanilla ice cream cake, and that there's some stuffed crust pizza…"

Doofenshmirtz glared exasperatedly at Perry. "Oh, no, you are not ditching me!" he yelled, "You're the one who set this whole mess into motion!"

"And yet you're the one who decided to test on that poor alien creature instead of taking it back to it's 'ritual grounds' or whatever," Perry said, "So really this whole thing could've been prevented if you'd had listened to it."

Doofenshmirtz stuttered as he tried to find something to say before Perry began to walk away. "But we're in this together!" he yelled, reaching out for Perry.

"Ap, ap, ap," Perry said, lifting a hand to his ear, "Do you hear that? It's the sound of unhealthy but delicious grub calling out to me tum-tum. Smell ya later, me lad."

With that, Perry the Platypus fled into the crowd of people while Doofenshmirtz let out unholy screams of anger, causing most of the crowd to scoot away from him. He glared off at the direction Perry went, and was about to march after him before he saw Candace walking over towards him with a drink in hand. "Oh, hey, Heinz," Candace greeted, "What's up?"

"Oh, uh, hey…Candace," Doofenshmirtz greeted, taking a breath as irritation still filled him, "I'm just…have you or your kid been seeing visions or floating lately?"

Candace looked at Doofenshmirtz with a look of incredulity. "Uh…no?" she said in the form of a question.

"Damn," Doofenshmirtz cursed, "Well, at least that sort of diminishes numbers."

Candace sighed. "I'm not even gonna ask," she said, "Have you seen Phineas?"

Doofenshmirtz blinked before gasping and smiling. "Oh, right, your…uh…brother," he smirked, "Has he had his fill of the dictionary yet?"

Candace chuckled. "Oh, right," she said with a gleam in her eye, "I still need to strangle you for emotionally bruising my brother."

"Oh, riiiight," Doofenshmirtz nodded, "You and what army?"

"Me and my foot," Candace said, "Which will be aimed right at your dangling parts, and we both know what I'm implying here."

Doofenshmirtz felt himself pale as he took a step away from Candace, who smiled victoriously. "Now, answer my question," she demanded, "I'm worried about him. The last time I saw him he's been trying to avoid contact with anyone. I thought he wanted to make some friends."

Doofenshmirtz shook his head. "Well, knowing Phineas' place in the social circle and Thaddeus' nature," he said, "I'd say that the only reason why Phineas was even invited to the party was to bide his time until the poor sap decides to jump into a bounce house so that he can pop it while Phineas is inside. Or at least that's what Phineas was rambling to no one in particular while you two were headed to this thing. Do you notice that your brother's voice can echo across the entire town? It is annoying, you really should look into that."

"Heinz, this is serious," Candace sighed, "What if something happened to him?"

"Yeah, the amount of craps that I give amount to literally less than zero," Doofenshmirtz stated, "I'm trying to find a parasitic alien who may or may not be trying to kill all mankind as we know it."

"And why do you care about that?" Candace asked flatly, "You hate mankind."

"Yes," Doofenshmirtz admitted, "But I'm a part of mankind, and it's not worth dying alongside these pathetic meat-bags, especially since the King is probably gonna assign me to go and defeat it anyway."

Candace rolled her eyes. "Whatever," she said, "My god, you give me such a headache…I think there's some booze somewhere. Wanna get a drink or something?"

Doofenshmirtz seemed to lighten up at this suggestion and completely pushed all thoughts about the alien out of his mind. "Well, alright then," he said, "If you insist."

The two began to walk toward the mansion's bar or whatever, while Phineas snuck through the crowd and took refuge at the seat of a secluded table. He held his breath for a while, staring into the crowd of people as he seemed to feel his heart race. Suddenly, a voice brought him back to reality.

" **Mortal, I couldn't help but notice that you are turning blue,** " the voice said, " **Is it normal for humans to turn blue? If so, I would like to partake in this activity with you, and if not then keep away from me and my normal companion, foul creature.** "

Phineas immediately turned his head to the other two children sitting at the table, not realizing that they were staring at him as he looked into the crowd that he imagined to be a seething mob. The one who had spoken to him was a green-haired child with beige and purple attire and a large nose that rivaled his own. The boy's companion was a girl with raven black hair that was adorned with a pink bow, who wore a pink dress with a white t-shirt underneath. In spite her age, this girl appeared to be wearing eye shadow.

"Huh," Phineas smiled weakly, "I've never seen either of you before. Are you friends with Thaddeus and Thor or something?"

The girl smirked weirdly at Phineas, the boy unaware that she was getting a 'good look' at him. "I've seen you before, baby," she said, a strange beat in her voice, "You live in that house across mine. I remember a cutie from the far sides of the earth, hee~."

Phineas blinked as the girl winked at him. The green haired boy, wanting to be a part of the conversation (because that's what normal people did), said in such a low octave that it would make grown men blush, " **I came here from the cracks between the walls; from the dark places where only dreams may go.** "

Phineas tilted his head and then nodded. "I see," he said, "So you guys just wandered in from off the street, then?"

"My parents don't even know where I am, baby," the girl answered, "I go where the wind takes me~."

Phineas' smile somehow became more confident around these two. "So, do you guys like making things?" he asked with a hint of hope in his voice.

"That depends, baby," the girl grinned, "Are you offering to let me make a sculpture of you~?"

" **I have seen such forbidden acts,** " the boy replied.

"That's good enough for me," Phineas decided, "You two must be better than Irving at least. Let's be friends. My name's Phineas."

Isabella giggled seductively. "Ooh, you're name's really cute," she said, "My name is," with a flick of her hand, little sparkle shimmered down her body as she lifted up one of her legs inappropriately, "Isabella~."

The boy stood up from the table onto his chair as a dramatic tension seemed to fill the air. " **I go by many names,** " he said, " **The Green Devil, Nightmare Stare, Quiet Hands…but you may call me…FERB!** " after giving his introduction with style, the boy plopped back into his seat, resuming his blank, emotionless expression," **I am a typical human being, and apologize for my outburst.** "

Isabella smiled at Ferb. "Your introduction was just so sexy," she giggled, "So, now that we're all friends, you guys wanna play a game, like truth or dare, spin the bottle…Better yet, how about seven minutes in heaven~?"

Ferb shook his head. " **I say that we should all band together and** ," his voice suddenly became even lower than before, " _ **Kill Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz.**_ "

Upon feeling the stares of his new friends, Ferb cleared his throat. " **I am normal,** " he said, " **I only wish to be included.** "

Phineas nodded at Ferb. "I like the cut of your jib," he said, "I mean, Doofenshmirtz is just a big butt who farts out stupid stuff that only he likes. But, haven't you ever thought of just convert her into our way of thinking?"

Ferb hummed a bit at this statement. " **Yes** ," he said, " **Perhaps we should convert him…** _ **into a murdered human!**_ "

"Every time one of us answers a question correctly," Isabella said, changing the subject back to the games as if she wasn't even paying attention to what Ferb said, "We can get a piece of candy~."

With that said, Isabella took out a piece of candy corn out of thin air and began to suck on it slowly, still eyeing Phineas who looked very confused. "Well, we can go to my house," he said, "We have lots of games in my house. You know, once Candace stops grounding me and stuff."

" **Why would your sister bury you into the ground?** " Ferb asked, " **It sounds very irresponsible of her. We should talk to a teacher about this.** "

Phineas and Isabella proceeded to laugh at Ferb's comment. "I like you a lot Ferb," Phineas said, "We've only met for a minute, and already I see you've got a great sense of humor."

"You should be a comedian, baby," Isabella sang out between chortles, "You'd be the sexiest thing on the stage~."

Ferb's eyes darted as Phineas and Isabella continued giggling at him. " **Yes,** " he said, " **Of course. What I said was out of humorous conduct. Ha, ha, ha…and as more to the humor of Ferb as he is a normal human…what do normal humans consume?** "

Isabella grinned at Phineas and Ferb. "I just came up with a great idea," she said, "Maybe you guys can sneak out of this shindig with me, and we can have some fun at my house, Izzy-style, baby, hoo~."

"Ooh, I like that plan," Phineas smiled, "I bet sneaking out will teach my sister that I'm a big boy, and big boys should not be grounded for destroying orphanages."

Ferb blinked. " **Destroying orphanages is normal, I partake?** "

Phineas and Isabella burst into laughter again. "You're on fire Ferb!" Phineas said.

Ferb chuckled awkwardly. " **Ah, yes,** " he said, pumping a fist in declaration, " **I am blending in!** "

And so our tale comes to its inevitable conclusion: Phineas was grounded three times fold for attempting to sneak out of the festivities without granting his elder sibling any knowledge, Isabella flirted with Doofenshmirtz for a few uncomfortable hours, and Ferb began to gorge himself with pizza, constantly yelling "I'm normal" whenever Perry or anyone else tried to get near the food table. Needless to say, the lives of Danville would never be the same, yet very little seemed to change from the events that folded anyway. Although Doofenshmirtz continued to seek out the alien parasite for a few more days, eventually he gave up and went to douse his memories with some tequila shots.

 _[The End]_

 **A/N:**

 **You know those stories you write that you thought was funny at first, but then you realize that it was only funny because you wrote it in such a terrible way? I really hope that isn't the case here, because I had fun rewriting this.**

 **Plus, it gives more light to who/what Ferb is in this story. Initially, he was supposed to be a parody of Thrackerzod from the Mentally Advanced Series; to those of you unaware, The Mentally Advanced Series, which this fan fic is directly based off of, is an abridged series of My Little Pony. One of its characters, Sweetie Belle, was possessed by a demon in this said abridged series, the demon calling itself Thrackerzod. So, really, Ferb was supposed to be demon possessed, but everyone seemed to think that Ferb was an alien. I probably should've made that clear, but I find that I'm more comfortable with letting Ferb being possessed by a parasitic alien than a demon for religious reasons.**

 **Hypocritical of me, I know, given that this version is no better than the last when it comes to dark themes.**

 **Well, I hope you all enjoyed. I am still open for suggestions as usual. :3**


End file.
